Unexplainable

Sometimes I will go through moments that are unexplainable. Moments where I am so low and caught in such despair that I truly don't know how to move forward. I am not exactly sure what triggers these moments…it seems to be a combination of things…but once they happen, they seem to stay for what seems like forever. I don't know where to turn or what to do. Talking to someone about it doesn't seem like an option because it is something that I can't even explain to myself… These sorts of things don't happen to me. I am a happy person who has so much love for life and people. I try to rack my brain about why I feel this way and how I can fix it, but it seems to get me nowhere. I just sink deeper and deeper and I want to give up everything. I suddenly don't feel good enough for anything or anyone. My life seems like a mess that is unfixable. Sometimes I question if I have a level of clinical depression, or if these moments are normal? They don't come around very often, but when they do, they hit hard…
I hate them.
I hate feeling like I have lost control.
I try to put on a good face and fake a smile, but inside I am dying. "Things like this don't happen to me.. they cant.. I don't have any reason to be sad or fearful. My life is great and I am very blessed". All the more reason for me to get more upset with myself. It is like I can't turn my brain off…and I don't want anyone to know that I have a problem. Im happy Sadie Rae and I help others with their problems… I can't have them too. So I try to hide what is really going on inside.
Do these moments ever happen to you? If so, you aren't alone.
… I definitely have not mastered these moments. I still have them and can't explain them.. but some how I get through them and get better at them each time. Maybe my how can help you a little.

First of all, don't be embarrassed. There are people that are just like you going through similar situations each day. Like I said, you are not alone, and there is help and hope.

Second, seek help..even if it is just in one person. For me, I try to tackle these moments all by myself, but I have come to find that I can't. The one person I turn to is my boyfriend, Richie, and he knows me so well that he can tell by the sound of voice if I am going through one of these unexplainable moments. He will ask me questions and get me to talk about it--even if I just write down how I feel. After writing it down we will talk through it and see what angles we can use to tackle it. He makes me feel valid about the way I feel and constantly reminds me of my beauty and value. He honestly is the main reason I get through anything.

Third...No matter what… you just have to keep moving. These moments of fear and despair can hold you stagnant and paralyze you (something we have talked about before). You find that through all of the pain and the tears, if you just keep moving, the light somehow finds its way and starts to shine again. It may take a long time, but it does, and it will! Never stop moving!

I have always been taught that FAITH HOPE AND CHARITY are the three stepping stones that encompass my religion and my life. You cannot have one without the other. Each day I pray for strength and help with my insecurities and fears. When I have these unexplainable moments of despair, Satan makes me feel like my prayers are not being heard and that the help is not coming… but once I get through another moment, I can look back and realize that God is there with me every step of the way. He is aware of the work I am trying to put it everyday to be a good person and follow Him. He is aware of me and loves me… and He loves you. Pray for strength and do the things each day that are obedient and show your dedication to making the world better. Put others first, serve, and have CHARITY.. & God will continue to bless you with strength. Never give up on HOPE and FAITH, because "faith and fears cannot exist in the same place". You must never give up on The Lord or on yourself. His abilities are unimaginable and through all of your trials and tribulations, He is preparing you and making you stronger than you know.

So if you have moments like these… don't give up and lose faith. I know sometimes I want to, but Richie won't let me and my Heavenly Father wont let me… and in the end, I won't let myself either. Deep down your strength and capabilities are unmeasurable. Seek the help that you need and don't be afraid to talk about what you are going through. You can beat anything thrown at you!

xoxo