spiritual overload.

Today was a beautiful & unexplainable Sunday. A day that gave me so much peace and comfort, and that reassured me that there is a God who hears me. It was a day that was almost so perfectly and significantly placed that I couldn't help but write about it.

This Sunday just so happened to fall on a day when I was feeling extremely discouraged and alone. I can't really even explain it, but a weekend by myself put my mind into overload thinking about everything in my life, and I felt as though I was completely lost. I have learned that the mind is such a powerful tool-for good & for bad-and feeding it with the right desires and positive reinforcements is crucial…it's just not always so easy… However, through the incredible & miraculous power of the Savior & His Atonement, our minds & our hearts can be changed and ever so comforted. He feels every ache and pain that you feel. He knows, better than anyone else, exactly what you are going through…and He is there, even in those moments of heartache and despair.

The testimony I gained of my Savior's awareness today was incredible. He not only placed the right people in my path, but the right talks, hymns, everything! We discussed the talk, The Plan of Happiness, by Elder Boyd K. Packer, and the significance it had in my life was spot on. It was not only brought up in the first meeting, but in my personal visit with the bishop, and in a random email my dad felt inclined to send me later on in the day. I was meant to read that talk! By the time it got to my dads email, I was in tears with the amount of peace and comfort I had received... The talks in sacrament were based on the Holy Spirit and being able to recognize and understand it. I learned that like anything new, being able to recognize and understand the Spirit takes time and practice. It is like learning a new language or instrument. Patience and practice are key, and piece by piece you begin to learn and understand it better. I never thought of the Spirit in that way and it really hit me... I may have these crazy times where I freak out and let my mind take over, but the important thing is that I continue to try and push through them. I am battling my trials like anyone else in the world, and I am learning how to understand the Spirit better...to not feed my worldly and negative desires..and to maintain a more eternal perspective. Something important to remember is sometimes trying so hard to get rid of a "freak out moment" or a negative thought can be detrimental. You can become so upset with yourself and just make it worse... you almost need to take a second to see how your body is feeling, try and observe this moment from the outside looking in, and fully acknowledge it. Your full acknowledgement and awareness will help the moment pass more quickly..& completely pass..instead of holding on to a small piece of it. This is something I learned at my internship here in Boston called SOMATIC EXPERIENCING. It is a really incredible type of therapy and healing.. (but that is for another post:) ...

3 tips on better recognizing and understanding the Spirit:
1. Prayer. This is the time for you to talk to the Lord and humbly share everything that is on your mind.
2. Scripture study. When we need to talk to the Lord, we pray. When He needs to talk to us, He says it through the scriptures. Daily prayer and scripture study are so important when it comes to being in tune with the Spirit.
3. Go and do! We then have to go out and utilize the Spirit...use it and learn from experience. If we are being obedient and doing all we can for the Lord, "we cannot go amiss".

We also sang the beautiful hymn, "Be Still My Soul". These particular words reminded me that my Heavenly Father was "by my side" and that He was going to continue to provide for me. He was going to continue to "guide my future like He had the past"...The bishop also gave me a beautiful blessing and reassured me that God was proud of me and what I was doing... He said that God knew the true intentions of my heart and that I just needed to continue to push forward and be patient. Holy spiritual overload! It was all so incredible!

So the biggest thing that I took from today that I really wanted to share was.. God is there and He is more aware of you than you know. We all experience days of trial and hardships--our trials are very different from one another--& every thought, trial, or experience you have is particular to you. Some may be unexplainable and extremely hard...but there is hope & light in every moment. If you have the desire to do good for The Lord and you are trying, that is enough. He is filling up your cup and you might not even know it. Your cup may be filling up slower than others or slower than you want... but it is being filled, and eventually, He will make things known to you that will make your cup overflow...

Another thing is.. Life is what you make it. My dad shared some really good advice with me about starting out a journey... a new internship, a new relationship, a new big step in life.. it is all about the effort you put in and what you make of it. At first, it might be a hard adjustment, but eventually you get in the swing of things and become more comfortable. It is an everyday process of work and dedication to continue to grow in it and love it even more...You can use this advice in a lot of different ways in your life.. I just thought it was inspiring and my dad seemed to say it so beautifully.

So there you go. A mouth full of things to take with you and hopefully something I said will help you in whatever circumstance you are in. Know that you are beautiful.. that your thoughts and feelings are valid (as crazy as they may seem), and that God understands them completely. Keep trying to do your best in the world and make other people happy. The church of Jesus Christ is so very true, and after this Sunday, I know that God is real more than ever. 

overcoming addiction.

I decided to dedicate this next post to the reason I started this blog in the first place. Addiction & how to overcome it. 

All of us, at one point in our lives, may experience what we call an addiction. Something that we have become so obsessed with, that it becomes harmful to ourselves and those around us. Something that has taken over a part of our mind and that we keep doing in spite of the outcome. We might not catch it at first, and the things that we are engaging in may even be healthy-like exercise and food-but something so overly thought of and taken to extreme levels can be so damaging. 

Addictions can be scary and exhausting. It is almost as if you need that one thing in your life to function. I have been there and knows what this feels like. I could not and would not eat anything remotely bad for me, and I had to go to the gym to get my "fix" everyday…no matter how little I had eaten..& my exercising had become extreme and harmful. It doesn't even have to be a physical thing you are addicted to…it can be as simple as a thought. They can start off very small and then grow into something overpowering and more than our own willpower can handle.. We may think our addiction is not a big deal, and we may think that conquering  these types of things by ourselves is an easy task..but as time passes, and the addiction grows stronger, we come to realize that this is something far beyond our control. We may become self centered, oblivious, start to lie or cover up our problem, and become more anxious and stressed. All of these are signs of an addiction…but the beautiful thing is…there is a way out. 

Whatever your addiction or circumstance, there is always help. This talk I recently read on addiction talked about willpower and how brain research says that willpower only seems to deepen the addiction and make it worse. It is a prideful direction and it can constantly result in frustration and discouragement. This can become very exhausting. We may be trying to use all of our willpower to overcome an addiction, but the true substance that needs to be acknowledged is desire. The desire for the substance of behavior. If there was no desire, there would be no use of the substance…this can be a hard thing to tackle though by yourself. And that is where the Savior comes in. These types of things and levels of addiction are beyond our control and we need the help of God to help us change our hearts and our desires. Approach your addiction with humility and faith in the Savior that you can change and He can help you do it. We need to pray and plead to Heavenly Father everyday and soon we realize that with "refinement of the spirit, the body will respond".

It takes great effort to change, but if your desires are more focused toward obedience toward God and not towards using our own willpower, full change can and will happen. We just need to stay strong and be patient. 

One of my favorites parts of this talk was:

"When a behavior that has plagued us is finally eliminated using this process, we stand in awe of the change on several counts. It is amazing to be able to live without the addiction that has been destroying us. The desire is completely gone! That alone is a tremendous miracle to experience. We also recognize that only the Savior could have made this change, that we could not do it on our own. This is a highly intense and personal witness of His knowledge of us, His love for us, and His power in our lives."

Know that with His help, you truly can change. I have witnessed it in my own life and I know that it is real. 

xoxo 

moms.

this is already my favorite post. a time to reflect on and brag about my cute mom. Silly Sal. I know it is cliche, and that everyone says it, but I know that I would be no where near who I am or where I am without my beautiful & selfless mother. I can't get enough of that blonde hair & a smile that literally lights up the room. my mom is the most caring, kind, and fashionable woman I have ever met. from day one she was running me to & from dance classes & teaching me to be a friend to everyone. she taught me to love life & to see the good and happiness in everyday, no matter the circumstance. she taught me to love, to have a strong testimony, and to take chances on people and opportunities. my mom loves people. she loves life. she loves making others happy and giving everything she has to her family. I really could go on and on…but I really just want to say how much I love you mom. & to thank you for being my mom. thank you for supporting me through everything in my life & for pushing me to be better and better everyday. I constantly thank my Heavenly Father  that He sent me to someone as wonderful as you… 

..if you haven't gotten to know this woman…you need to:) 

Favorites about Sal. 

1. her big heart. 

2. her lessons about taking responsibility and blame for things… even if I thought FOR SURE they weren't my fault. 

3. her singing voice 

4. her love for her bowling league.. my nursery was at the bowling alley. 

5. her love for her friends and their "dates"… lunch, tennis, skiing, golf..the woman does it all. 

6. her dedication as "mimi" and how much she loves her grandkids. 

7. her butternut squash soup. 

8. her laugh when she thinks something is really funny… especially when she thinks I am funny.. (because besides my mom & myself, I think we are the only ones that do) 

9. her love and passion for families & her dedication to my dad. 

10. how she can be anywhere & make the best of it. 

happy mom day to every beautiful mother out there. I love that we have a day dedicated to only you. you deserve it:) 

a little pick me up.

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head. 

I recently moved to Boston (like 2 days ago), and I don't know if I have ever felt more lonely in my entire life. I left my Provo world where I had friends and family, and I was comfortable with everything around me…and now I am here in a brand new city where I don't know anyone and have to learn how to tackle public transportation (haha. welcome to the city life Sadie Rae). In my few days of being here and exploring my new world, I have had plenty of opportunities to not only talk to strangers, but thiiiiiink. and think. and think. Those people are right, you don't really appreciate what you have until it is gone. (dang it. I hate when they are right). More than ever I am just realizing how blessed I am to have had the experiences I've had and for the people in my life. I have a loving family and a mom who calls me everyday to check in and make sure I am okay. Even at 24 I still cry to my mom and need her to take care of me..and she does a pretty amazing job:) I have a lot of people to be grateful for… but out here, it feels like I am so far from what I know & from the people that love me. Guess it is time for a few more crying sessions & little bit more of growing up… Im trying to be brave. To act like I know what the freak I am doing at the T Station. To explore & dive into Boston…I just feel alone… but even in my weakest and loneliest moments.. I know I am not really alone. ever. & I know that it will get better.

I want you to know that you are never alone. That even in your darkest times, God is there with his arms wrapped tightly around you. He can't always give you all of the answers… but He can help you through your choices & experiences. A lot of the things I have been through--my fears and insecurities about life--have made me feel like I was an outsider and that something was wrong with me. That no one else goes through the same things I do. I have learned, however, that every person experiences things at different levels and at different times… and that every thought, feeling, and insecurity that you have is valid. We are all human. We are all more alike than we realize. We are going to have thoughts about not being good enough… we are going to compare our lives with someone else…we are going to cry, feel alone, get really angry, and have doubts…but these moments will pass. Without these things, its almost as if happiness & moments of peace wouldn't feel as fulfilled. We are all at different levels and experience things in a different way. We are all placed with trials and moments of weakness for different reasons.. and the powerful thing is that we are all capable of overcoming whatever thought or moment we are having. Through patience, friends, and a lot of prayers..things can and will slowly start looking up. Remember that there is no such thing as "normal" & that it is okay to have moments of weakness. It is about baby steps and never giving up on yourself. You may take a few steps backwards..and that's okay too…just never stop trying to move forward. Heaven is on your side. Trust in God and His plan for you.. even if yours doesn't quite match up;) 

Here is one of my favorite quotes & scripture's to give you that extra pick me up: 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world" 

…"I would that you would remember that as much as ye shall put your trust in God, even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day" Alma 38:5 .. you just need to go read all of Alma 36, 37, and 38. They are wonderful. 

Im grateful for this time in Boston & for this experience to grow… even if it is hard…God makes that hardship a lot lighter. 

xoxo