a little pick me up.

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head. 

I recently moved to Boston (like 2 days ago), and I don't know if I have ever felt more lonely in my entire life. I left my Provo world where I had friends and family, and I was comfortable with everything around me…and now I am here in a brand new city where I don't know anyone and have to learn how to tackle public transportation (haha. welcome to the city life Sadie Rae). In my few days of being here and exploring my new world, I have had plenty of opportunities to not only talk to strangers, but thiiiiiink. and think. and think. Those people are right, you don't really appreciate what you have until it is gone. (dang it. I hate when they are right). More than ever I am just realizing how blessed I am to have had the experiences I've had and for the people in my life. I have a loving family and a mom who calls me everyday to check in and make sure I am okay. Even at 24 I still cry to my mom and need her to take care of me..and she does a pretty amazing job:) I have a lot of people to be grateful for… but out here, it feels like I am so far from what I know & from the people that love me. Guess it is time for a few more crying sessions & little bit more of growing up… Im trying to be brave. To act like I know what the freak I am doing at the T Station. To explore & dive into Boston…I just feel alone… but even in my weakest and loneliest moments.. I know I am not really alone. ever. & I know that it will get better.

I want you to know that you are never alone. That even in your darkest times, God is there with his arms wrapped tightly around you. He can't always give you all of the answers… but He can help you through your choices & experiences. A lot of the things I have been through--my fears and insecurities about life--have made me feel like I was an outsider and that something was wrong with me. That no one else goes through the same things I do. I have learned, however, that every person experiences things at different levels and at different times… and that every thought, feeling, and insecurity that you have is valid. We are all human. We are all more alike than we realize. We are going to have thoughts about not being good enough… we are going to compare our lives with someone else…we are going to cry, feel alone, get really angry, and have doubts…but these moments will pass. Without these things, its almost as if happiness & moments of peace wouldn't feel as fulfilled. We are all at different levels and experience things in a different way. We are all placed with trials and moments of weakness for different reasons.. and the powerful thing is that we are all capable of overcoming whatever thought or moment we are having. Through patience, friends, and a lot of prayers..things can and will slowly start looking up. Remember that there is no such thing as "normal" & that it is okay to have moments of weakness. It is about baby steps and never giving up on yourself. You may take a few steps backwards..and that's okay too…just never stop trying to move forward. Heaven is on your side. Trust in God and His plan for you.. even if yours doesn't quite match up;) 

Here is one of my favorite quotes & scripture's to give you that extra pick me up: 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world" 

…"I would that you would remember that as much as ye shall put your trust in God, even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day" Alma 38:5 .. you just need to go read all of Alma 36, 37, and 38. They are wonderful. 

Im grateful for this time in Boston & for this experience to grow… even if it is hard…God makes that hardship a lot lighter. 

xoxo