Share the Gift

In the last couple of weeks I have felt a difference.. I have felt the love of my Savior and His help and guidance. I have been praying with the Lord and making Him a promise that if I try to do all that I can to follow Him and keep His commandments, that He will guide me and not let me fail. That I can be influenced by the spirit to make some big decisions coming up and that I can feel comfort and peace. I think a lot of my problem is PATIENCE and the Lord has reminded me to just take my time and be patient with myself. The church I belong to-The Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints-has given me so much strength and happiness and I would feel ungrateful if I didn't mention it this Christmas Season. This season is about selfless love and service. It is about taking a minute from yourself and your life to better someone else's. Christmas is about implementing 'Christ' like attributes and creating a little bit more magic and happiness in the world. Christmas is all about Christ and He is the greatest gift that has ever been given to us. 

Watch this video and Share the Gift. 

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/share-the-gift?lang=eng

Merry Christmas 

xoxo

Make your SEASON bright.. with some fashion FUN.

Not my typical post... but I had to.

 One of my best friends, Shelby Stephens-graphic designer & cute mom-recently started working for a clothing line called 

Stripe Clothing.

They have a great variety of clothing at a great price! They just got in some new arrivals that are perfect for the season. Make your way over to their website and treat yourself to a little Christmas shopping :) 

You won't regret it. 

www.stripe-clothing.com

You can also follow them on instagram..

 stripeclothingco

*my favorites*

xoxo 

happiness & fulfillment.

I have been thinking a lot about these two words lately. When is it that I am the happiest and feeling the most fulfilled, and how do I sustain that in my everyday life? What kind of things do I need to do to feel like I am living to the fullest and to feel like I am satisfied with where I am at? .. 

Life is all about progression and becoming better and better each day. Life should not be something that we are surviving through, but that we are thriving off of... but how do we reach that and never let it go? 

I think you have to look at it like this. A counselor gave me some wonderful advice while I was at home for Thanksgiving and I want to share it with everyone.... first of all, you are never going to be happy and fulfilled all of time. Things go wrong and life can be really hard... that is a given... you may feel lonely or simply not satisfied with where you are at and what you are doing. These are the crucial times of growth and learning and times where you can look at your life and see what needs to be changed. CHANGE is hard, but it is a good thing. We need to be pushed and break out of our comfortable bubbles to really reap all of the beauty and satisfaction this life has to offer. When you wake up in the morning and are feeling down though, don't think that you have to be at this certain "level" of happiness... and that if you are not, something is wrong. Thinking about the gap between that highest level of happiness and where you are at can bring on a lot of negative thoughts and lead to depression. If you are feeling down and not yourself, it is okay. Do not dwell on it and the level you think you SHOULD be. Tackle things one day at a time... one minute at a time... and one baby step at a time. 

Second, explore your surroundings and everything that the world has to offer. I believe that one of the best ways to find happiness is by looking outside of yourself and really noticing the things around you. It is so easy to get caught up in your life and get distracted with work, school, and other activities. These are all of great importance, but when they consume us, a lot of times we miss some of the more beautiful things. Take time to explore where you live and what it has to offer. You may be the busiest person in the world, but even then, there is always time. Shop at local stores. Eat at local restaurants. Get to know business owners and meet complete strangers. Become friends with your neighbors. Go on walks and hikes in areas you haven't seen yet. Reap all that your surroundings have to offer. When you take a minute to take a breath, talk to someone new, and get a breath of fresh air, you are reminded about simplicity and beauty. 

Other times I have noticed I feel the most happy and fulfilled are when I'm with my family, dancing, and serving people. Being with the ones you love is so important! They can remind you of those little things that matter the most and can keep you on track. In the grand scheme of things, your family is all that matters and seeing them smiling and happy should be the biggest blessing. 

Find something you love to do and never let it go. 

Dancing has become my everything and the way it makes me feel is unexplainable. It is a chance for me to completely let myself go and express myself in a way I couldn't otherwise. Nothing, and no one will ever change my passion and love for this art work. Whatever your passion and love is, never let it die.. and don't let people do that for you.. hold on to the way it makes you feel and forget about what anyone negative says. It is your thing! People can ridicule you, make you feel so small, and can take away everything... but they cannot take away your freedom of CHOICE and how you choose to react. Something the counselor said about this was.... When things are good or bad... they aren't really so.. they are just perceived that way. For example, if I were to push you down in the dirt and make you bleed you would initially be really upset right? Well, what if you knew I was pushing you down to save you from an oncoming train? You would still be bleeding and in pain, but the perception would be different right? This is something to think about when people do and say awful things or when something you consider "bad" happens to you. Perception and choice are huge tools that we should all try to implement more. 

Service is the best way to forget about yourself and your problems! Take the time to serve those around you...your service can be simple and small and still go such along way. Find a soup kitchen, assisted living center, or a food bank near you! 

other tips for this topic:

*Don't be that person that spreads the awful and gossips about others. You will never find true happiness this way. 

*Don't compare yourself to others. In today's world of social media, comparing ourselves is very easy. Know that you are so beautiful and unique in your own way and find your OWN happiness... don't let the world of Instagram and Facebook define that for you. 

*Never forget to pray and ask for help 

*Make specific goals and go for them! There is so much joy found in working towards and completing a goal... tell someone about your goals and let them help you achieve them. 

*Just keep going & trying. 

This week I want you to try and implement some of these things and find a little bit more happiness and fulfillment in your life. If you have any other tips for readers please post them below in a comment! We can all use a little help:) 

References from this post made from:

The book Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl 

Wellness.

I am currently a student at Brigham Young University studying Exercise & Wellness. I started out wanting to do Dietetics and ended up getting into the program at BYU, but after going through my disorder, I realized that Dietetics might not be a good route. I had become so obsessed with counting calories and only eating the healthiest food I could find and I felt like the Dietetics program might only make that worse. My heart was no longer set on this particular program and I ended up turning it down. I went and did a dance job abroad with Disney instead and decided to jump into the Exercise & Wellness major when I returned 6 months later. After recently tackling an addiction in this area I didn't know if any type of degree in exercise would be smart, but I knew that I was interested in that field and decided to pursue it. The part that really intrigued me was the "wellness" part of the major title and I discovered that the purpose I chose my major was because of that word. 

WELLNESS is an important and beautiful word. It is where you are in a healthy state physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have loved learning about these elements in school and want to help people achieve overall wellness. I want to help people be healthy and happy in all areas of their lives and I wouldn't have really discovered that without going through my eating disorder and choosing to study Exercise and Wellness. 

So my "wellness" tips for the week: 

- be patient. patience is something that is so hard for me. I am quick to get frustrated and give up on something...even when it is just me that thinks something is amiss. You may need to practice patience with something big in your life, or something very small... whatever it is, be patient with not only others, but yourself. Don't be quick to jump ship or throw something good away. Don't give up on yourself if you are trying to conquer a hardship. It is all about baby steps. 

-fill your life with important things. Sometimes Satan and the world can make unimportant things seem important. Read up on Richard G. Scotts talk (a member of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles) titled "Make the Exercise of Faith your First Priority", found on lds.org, and make a list of what is most important to you. Don't let distractions get in the way of what is most important. Look at things with a bigger perspective. I want you to make that list and focus on improving one of them this week. 

-make your brain & heart happy. Exercise your brain this week. Read a book, listen to an educational TED talk, sign up to learn a language. Get your brain working! .. also don't forget to make your heart happy and get some physical activity in. Get out in the snow and learn how to ski, take an aerobics class, go play tennis with a friend. There is so much you can do to make your body & heart feeling good! Recommendations: 5 days a week. 30 minutes. Moderate to vigorous intensity. This is a basic recommendation to maintain weight and good health. Also, try and eat 2-3 fruits & veggies a day and decrease your sweet intake. Don't eliminate it, just decrease it a little. We all could use it after our Thanksgiving feasts:) 

-spend time with those you love. After this Thanksgiving break,  I realized how much I love being with my family and how important they are to me. I am very lucky to have people who love me and make me a better person. This week, make some time to spend it with friends, family, and those you love. These interactions will help increase your mood and keep you going:) 

Have a great week everyone! Its time for that Christmas spirit! 

A Weekly Reminder.

When trying to decide what to write about this week, 

THANKSGIVING 

is all that came to my mind. Lately I have been feeling a little bit off... not everyday, but often. I have been questioning where I am at, what I am doing, and what this life is all about. I tend to be one of those deeeeeep thinkers ;) & I think that these questions are regular and normal in everyone's lives. We grow up and realize that life decisions aren't as easy as we thought they would be and we wish that we could go back to our simple childhood. We all want to be happy and feel fulfilled, and we wonder if we are doing all that we can to accomplish that... and if we are, why are we not feeling that way? 

I know for me, I tend to over-think and analyze every little thing in my life. I am at that critical age where I am trying to decide where I want to go after college and what I want to do with the rest of my life. To be completely honest it all freaks me out...but I have noticed that these things freak me out even more when I am stressed, selfish, and lacking spiritually. 

My first suggestion... take life one day at a time. It is important to make goals and plan ahead, but thinking too much about it will add unnecessary stress. 

Put others first. 

If there is one thing I have learned in my short 23 years, it's that this life is all about other people. Putting others first and serving them will help you forget about your own problems and make them seem a lot less important. Serving, especially when it's not convenient, will help you see the true value of life and will help you find that happiness and fulfillment you seek. 

Laughter.

Those moments where we experience pure laughter are some of the most beautiful and pure. These are the small moments in life that make me realize how special this life is and how grateful I am for those experiences and people that make me laugh...hard. Surround yourself with those beautiful people that make you happy and can make you laugh. Get reminded of how good life is. 

Gratitude. 

I believe that the base of gratitude is humility and happiness. As you approach the Thanksgiving Holiday, make sure to have a special prayer in your heart to thank God for everything you have. Make a list of all of the things you are grateful for, big and small, and cherish the time you have with your family. 

All we can do is keep living each day the best we can and trying to be better. We are imperfect people and life isn't always easy, but even in those moments, there are still so many things we can be grateful for and angels that can help pick us up. It is okay to get mad about something going wrong in your life, it's normal to feel out of whack and feel low..these things are normal...but don't just let them sit with you for a long time. Get help and never forget that you are stronger than you think. Life is about being happy.. so if you aren't, maybe it is time to make a change. Change isn't always easy... but without change, we cannot progress. 

Happy Thanksgiving World.. now go eat a lot of turkey:) 

I'm giving thanks for  

good health

swig

love 

richie and his patience with me

heat 

my bed 

pure laughter 

my nieces and nephews pure spirits 

my home 

my friends & family 

leaders 

&

God and His love for me 

A Best Friend.

For this post, I wanted to dedicate it to my best friend and partner in crime, Meri. A best friend is hard to come by.... someone that completely gets you and everything you are about and think...and somehow, God has blessed me with a few of these special people in my life...Meri being one of them. 

      In the last couple of years, Meri has become one of my angels. She has shown me what true loyalty is and has taught me how to be "tough". I am a sensitive and emotional person, and Meri makes me stronger. Not only does she make me better, but she shows me what it takes to really work hard at something. She shows me what true love and passion is for something. She shows me how to not care as much about the unimportant things and how to bring the humor of "The Grinch" movie into my life:) Meri loves little kids and when I am with Meri, we become just that. We know how to laugh, cry, and talk about everything that is on our minds. Meri is my go to person. The one that will listen to whatever dumb thing I am blabbing about and that will give me honest advice. She understands how I feel when no one else does and makes me feel normal in a world where I feel so different compared to everyone else. Meri always has my back and will stick up for me in every situation. She makes me feel good and worth something. She is such a wonderful example to me and I couldn't ask for a better best friend at this time in my life. 

What makes a Best Friend or a Good Friend?

A friend is someone that is always there for you...through thick and thin...and see's you for what you really are. They see inside of you and remind you of that divine potential you have. A friend is someone that is honest and trust worthy and someone that you know will never talk bad about you. They want what is best for you and will help you get there. Friends make your world better. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with friends that are positive.

Who do you consider one of your best friends, and more importantly, how can you become a better friend? ...When you are going through something really difficult in your life, you want to be able to call up that best friend for help! 

      

     So I want you to think about your best friend... call them up and tell them thanks & tell them you love them. We are lucky to have best friends. 


Also for this weeks motivation, look up an article in positiveway.me:)

Personal Interview

I recently went to a fireside where M. Russell Ballard, an apostle from the LDS church, spoke. He shared some wonderful and useful advice that I think we could all benefit from.

Each one of us should have personal interviews with ourselves often. Sit down in a quiet place for a while and analyze your life. 

How are you doing? 

Are you on the track you want to be? 

What could you be doing better? 

Make GOALS for yourself and make sure you are analyzing yourself often. 

Something Big.

Sometimes it takes something BIG in our lives to make us realize how blessed we are. Those humbling experiences that put us in our place and back on the right track. I'm grateful for those moments that put me back in the right mind set and remind me of what is important. Don't let it be something big that makes you realize how much you have... make a list of those things today. 

What is MOST important to you? 

What are you most grateful for? 

These are the things you should focus on in your life. Don't waste your time on those unimportant worldly things & those first world problems. Instead of looking at all the negative, which we are so quick to do, focus on all of the positive! 

Look at your health, your family, your friends, the roof over your head, your freedom...your list could go on and on! Make those important things and important people in your life your top priority. I want you to make your important list and focus on one of them this week--go out of your way and do something nice for a family member or a friend. Find a way to make them feel so loved!--Show gratitude for your healthy body by choosing to walk or ride your bike instead of drive your car--turn your house into more of a home by cleaning things up and creating a positive environment. 

By focusing on the most important things in your life, you will start to see a change in the love and happiness you feel. Try it:) 

lend a helping hand

A lot of times we don't know why we went through something difficult in our lives.. especially in the moment...it is hard to see the WHY and the GROWTH we go through. I know now why I went through my eating disorder... and that is to help other people. I forget how many people, especially women, go through something similar to an eating disorder and are in need of some help. A lot of times these people are quiet and their difficult situation goes unnoticed. They may be the sweet and happy ones that portray something completely different on the outside then what they are going through on the inside. I'm here to help those people... 

As individuals we try to act like everything is GOOD in our lives, and with social media, it makes it seem like everyone is living that way. A lot of times all we see is the "good", and we hardly ever hear about the "bad". This makes it seem like the things we are going through aren't normal and that there is something wrong with us. It also makes us feel like we can keep our problems inside and handle them ourselves. We want to fit the mold and the norm and make it seem like we have it all together.... but here is the thing... none of us do. We all have issues. Our bad days and our negative thoughts... we aren't perfect no matter how much we try to portray that. 

So I am here to tell you that it is okay to admit that you are down and broken. It is okay to admit that you have a problem. We all have problems! One of the hardest things was admitting I had a problem to those around me and facing it. The word "eating disorder" freaks people out and it is a subject we tend to ignore and try to get rid of silently. Well here is the thing... so many people go through eating disorders and food issues. It is healthy to put your issues out in the open and talk about them. Seek the help and and use all of the amazing resources around you. 

Seek out a Therapist. Everyone--no matter your circumstance--could benefit from seeing a therapist. There are several ways to access one whether at your school or in your community. It is healthy to go talk to someone about things going on in your life and get a grip on your thoughts and how you are feeling. I am going to start to see a therapist for different struggles I am going through and I couldn't be more excited about it. Message me if you would like some recommendations on who to see:) 

Seek out a Dietitian. I know that we have access to a Dietitian at my University, and I know they have them at multiple universities and clinics in your community. Go talk to one and figure out a healthy diet that will give you energy and make you feel good. Get the facts down on counting calories and weight gain/loss and find a plan that works for you and benefits your body! I didn't even think about seeing a Dietitian when I was going through my eating disorder and I wish I would've. 

Talk to a friend. This is where I come in! Lately I have been able to help girls struggling with "food issues" in a variety of ways. I have been through these things myself, and sometimes that is the easiest way to start to HELP yourself. Go talk to someone that has been through a similar situation. They could be a huge help and give you some great advice on what worked for them. If any of you want to contact me, I would love to listen and help. Contact me with a personal message on Facebook- Sadie Rae George- is my name when you are looking me up. I am not only here to talk about eating disorders, but anything that you may be going through. 

Don't be afraid to admit you have a problem. Don't ever think that the things you feel and the thoughts you have aren't normal.. you will be surprised at how many of us have the same ones. 

Come talk to me! :) 

time.

It has almost been 2 and a half years since my life started to turn around & I felt like I was becoming free of my eating disorder. It is so crazy to look back and think of where I was and & where I am now. At that time in my life, I never thought that I would be rid of my eating disorder. I thought that my mind & my spirit were going to be stuck in that state forever...but through TIME...that changed. I am here to tell you that through time, things can & will get better. Sometimes that clock may seem like it's moving incredibly slow, if even at all, but that light you are in need of WILL come. You just have to keep pushing. Never ever EVER give up & when you don't feel like you can take another step, let the ones you love around you help carry you. It has not been an easy road since that time 2 and a half years ago. I have had many trials since, and some dealing with the same body issues, but I can feel myself becoming just a little bit stronger each day. I have my good days & my bad, but I wouldn't trade any of those days or the experiences I have had in my life. We are given so many beautiful things on this earth and there is so much we can be grateful for. Each day I just "try a little harder to be a little bit better". Life is a crazy, beautiful, and joyful ride. So don't lose your hope. I am a witness that through time and hard work... no matter how long...you can heal. 

For a little inspiration be sure to check out www.lds.org & read up on October 2014 General Conference. My favorite was Elder Klebingat.

Staying Positive.

Sometimes this can be the hardest thing to do. Stay Positive. When life seems to be throwing things at you left and right and you can't escape that negative aspect, staying positive is almost impossible. People always say to get rid of that negativity and poison in your life, but what if it is one that you can't get away from? What do you do then to stay positive and keep pushing forward?

..Lately I have been feeling this way. For whatever reason, life is throwing me curve balls and I can't seem to get away from those negative things in my life. That negativity that won't leave my brain alone and makes me feel so small and weak. I hate it! ... I am overall a positive and happy person and I don't like feeling down and negative. I am constantly telling myself to be positive, but it seems that when I am starting to slowly get back up, I get knocked right back down. It is so hard to constantly stay motivated and keep telling myself to push forward... especially when I'm not feeling valued for those specifics I am working so hard at. It seems like more than usual I am feeling defeated and want to throw in the towel. This could be your similar case at work, on a team, at home..wherever! How is it that we block out that negativity and keep smiling?

I'm not sure if I have all of the right answers, but I have a few suggestions that may help you and me. This is a battle that I am trying to work on everyday.. and with these tips and a lot of hard work.. I think we will both see some changes.

1. Pray. You may not be religious, but praying and talking to a higher power, or whatever you believe in, could really help! I pray everyday for the things I need help with.... I pray for strength and confidence and a soft heart... I pray to love those people that really get to me.

2. Read a self-help book. I am all about self-help books! I am currently reading The Fearless Mind by Craig Manning and it is really helping! These books help you analyze your life and make changes to gain more happiness and control. I won't give away Craig's book... but you definitely need to read it! I also recommend The Happiness Project-Gretchin Rubin and The Power of Now-Eckhart Tolle.

3. Talk it out. Whether it's with a family member, friends, or a psychologist, talking things out with someone can be very beneficial. Go to someone you trust with problems you are having and let them help you. Getting things off of your chest, crying, and gaining some advice can help you solve problems and keep you going.

4. Write down positive things. Craig Manning talks about the benefits of writing things down. At the end of your day, write down 3 positive things you did--either at work, on your team, at school, with your kids--whatever it may be! ...and 1 thing that you can work on. Not something you did wrong or a negative thing, but just something that you can work at and improve on. See if the positivity makes a difference! Those negative thoughts are so poisonous and we want to get rid of them. I also think that writing down things you are grateful for that day & things that you like about yourself can be beneficial. Try it. Along with the positives and something to work on, write down 5 things you are grateful for everyday, and 5 things you like about yourself.

5. Surround yourself with positive people. As much as you can, try and surround yourself with positive people who love you and make you feel good. Like I mentioned before, in some cases this is not always possible to choose who you are surrounded by, but you can choose how you react to it and how you let it affect you. Your life is not measured by how people view you! Don't ever let someone tell you you aren't pretty enough or good enough... you can't control what people say or think of you, but you CAN control you. Just keep working hard and being the best you can be and make sure you make time for those positive people in your life.

6. Serve. Get out and serve people. "True happiness only comes from making other people happy".


Lets all work on staying positive this week! :) We got this!

those humbling moments.

About two years ago, I was able to follow my dream & go dance for a company outside of the country. I was able to visit beautiful places and learn from beautiful cultures. One of my favorite places we were able to visit was CAMBODIA. I have never experienced such genuine and amazing people. People that were so happy and yet, had almost nothing. This truly opened my eyes and made me realize how much I take things for granted... how we all do. We live is such a fast pace and demanding world right now...and we forget to take a step back and look at all we have. Many of the people I came in contact with in Cambodia lived in small shacks and worked so hard each day to just put dinner on the table that night. Teenagers were working to put their younger siblings through school & family sacrifice took on a whole new meaning over there. I realized my life was full of "first world problems", and that I needed to change things up a bit. Our world is full of iphones & technology, fast cars, and worldly cares.... over there... it's just family & the moment. They don't have houses, they don't have cars, they don't have electricity or cell phones... they just have each other... & I thought it was absolutely beautiful. I felt a different spirit in Cambodia that I can't explain. People were so giving & slowed down to enjoy life and each other.

... so instead of looking at all of things you don't have, take a minute to look at everything you DO. We are so blessed & sometimes we let the world get the best of us. We are told we need to look a certain way or have a certain thing to make us happy. Well if we live like this, we are never going to be happy. Someone gave me great advice about this in regards to my body. If you are always hating on your body and always trying to change it, you are never, ever going to be happy with it. The same concept can be applied to life. You aren't ever going to be satisfied if you are always trying to look for the next best. You need to LOVE right where you are... & if you know there are necessary changes that need to be made... then do them. 

...so take a minute to put down that cell phone and smell the roses. There is much to be learned away from that screen. 

your book.

This week.... make a list of GOALS. What are some things--big & small--that you would like to accomplish? Write them down & put them somewhere where you can see them everyday. A written goal is half the battle & it is more likely to get done when it is there in front of you... The next step is going out and DOING. "You get out of life what you put in it". Take those baby steps, everyday, to the fulfillment of your goal. Life is a book with blank pages & you get to decide what goes in it. So many of us are blessed with the freedom to choose what we want to do and who we want to be..so dream big & go for it! Write your story and enjoy your journey. We are blessed with so many resources to get us there...so dive into some goals. 

out of the box.

Healing can take a long time. It is not just our bodies that need to heal, but our minds and our spirits. A lot of times we forget that these three aspects are linked together--body, mind, and spirit. We may feel like we have overcome something or have healed, but a certain aspect may need a little more time. This is something that took me a while to realize. After eating more healthy, my body was beginning to heal rather quick, but my mind and my spirit took longer than I wanted. It wasn't until my mind started to change that my spirit followed... but how do you get your mind to change? When dealing with something that is so mentally poisoning, it seems impossible... but there are ways. 

Lately our coach has been talking to us about getting "outside of our boxes". You represent the box and there are several triangles that frame your box. The triangles are aspects that make you up as a person: talents, your family, goals, etc. Being focused on yourself and your problems means that you are inside of your box. You become more focused on what you don't have and things that are going wrong. This can quickly turn into a negative attitude and make you forget about others. You don't view people as people, but as objects. Traffic and long lines become the biggest pain and everyone else doesn't seem as important as yourself. You are your biggest priority. When you are focusing your attention this way, it is so easy to forget about all of the good in your life and the beautiful people around you. It makes it easy to become stuck and to feel down... this is what we don't want... 

When you focus your attention outside of your box, you are more focused on others and helping them use and accomplish the things in their triangles. When you have this mind set, and serving others is on your main focus, your life seems to become more positive and your triangles seem to get accomplished easier as well. Life just seems to be a little bit brighter and run just a little smoother. Lines and traffic don't seem to be as big of a deal, and you are more grateful. I feel like this "out of the box" tactic is a great way to switch your mind set and give you a greater perspective. 

... Along with being out of the box and trying to focus on others, really try and focus on getting those negative thoughts about yourself out of your head. We are so quick to compare ourselves and our success to others and those small negative thoughts can spiral into something big and poisoning. For me, the negative thoughts are really hard to get rid of, but something that a sports psychologist recently taught me, has helped... & many it can do the same for you... 

I just want you to think about and incorporate these 3 tactics-- 

1. A "can do" attitude

Don't think about all the things you can't do, or shouldn't do wrong. Think about the 'can do's' and what you can do to improve. For every negative thought you put in your head, it takes three to counteract.  

2. Control the controllable

Some things are out of your hands. You can't control how people feel about you or what they say to you, but you can control you! ...how you feel and your reaction. I am such a people pleaser and I just want everyone to be happy... so when it comes to someone not liking me, I do everything I can to turn that around. But why try so hard to turn something around that is out of your control? Don't waste your time worrying about what others think about you...that is simply all it is...a waste. Control what you can in your own life and just make sure you are being your best self.   

3. Live in the moment  

Fear and pressure do not exist in the moment. Those are things that stem from the past & the future. In the moment, there is only love & fun... so remember to do that a little more often;) 

...Take time to heal your body,mind, and spirit... 

...Think about being outside of your box everyday...&

...Get rid of those negative thoughts. 

Cheers! 

what keeps me going.

Today I stand at 5' 6" & weigh 125 pounds. My thighs touch, my skin and my hair are no longer dry and brittle, and I probably eat way too many sweets! ...(and drink too much diet coke) :) I can't say that I am completely satisfied with my body, but I have embraced it and have found a way to love it. I probably still judge it too hard at times, but who doesn't... I am now able to eat things I never thought I could again and be okay with it. Each day is a stepping stone though and I still have to incorporate certain things to keep me going up and on the right track. Maybe some of these can help you too....they are small and simple, but simplicity just might be the answer. 

1. Work Out 

Even though I used to be a work out addict, I have been able to change things up and incorporate exercise in a healthy way. I am now at a healthy weight, and I try to get in some form of exercise almost everyday to keep that consistent. Sweating it out helps boost my mood and keeps me happy and productive. It's not about losing those pounds anymore, it's just about feeling good! Find different ways to get in your exercise like tennis or a dance class and keep your body happy. 

2. Eat Healthy

Ever since my disorder, I have slowly been able to eat more sweets and feel okay about it, but I still try to eat healthy. Eating healthy keeps me in tune with my body and keeps my mind alert and happy. I have more energy and I am able to get the things done that I need to throughout the day. Some of the nutritional value I try to include are: 

-LOTS of fruits and veggies. 

grab an apple or some carrots for an on the go snack.  

-Green smoothies.

my favorite is a handful of spinach, 1 banana, 1/2 cup of granola, 1 T of peanut butter, almond milk, and ice. yum. After a work out I will usually add 1 T of protein powder too. This is great for breakfast! 

-Grilled chicken and a variety of veggies. 

pull out your George Forman Grill & your veggie steamer for dinner. 

I just try to eat at least 2-3 fruits and 2-3 vegetables a day. Whether in a salad or as a snack, there are a lot of ways to make healthy choices and leave your body happy. 

3. Call Mom 

My mom is my go to. Whether I am needing a pick me up, needing to tell someone about something exciting, or just wanting to talk, she is the one I go to. Keep the ones you love close by you and use them for support. A phone call with a family member or a good friend gives me that breath of fresh air that I need to keep me going. So surround yourself with happy and uplifting people! 

4. Write 

Whether it's writing out my schedule for the day or writing in my journal, writing keeps me sane. It is the best way for me to stay on track and relieve stress. Make small and simple goals--daily, weekly, and monthly--and start writing in a journal! It can be a huge help. 

5. Take Care of You

Make sure that you are incorporating those little things that you love and that make you happy. Life can get super busy and stressful, but you have to take care of yourself! Make time for yourself.  

it's a choice.

Ever since my disorder, I have constantly tried to surround myself with a positive environment and avoid falling back into bad habits. I keep my friends and family close, I stay busy with school and activities, and I really try to focus on other people. I just try to be happy...and if there is one thing I have learned, it's that happiness is a choice. You get to choose your destiny and your happiness... how intimidating, yet exciting, is it to know that life is a blank page and that we get to put in it whatever we want. What is it that you really love? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? Don't for one second think that you are not good enough or are incapable of reaching something BIG. In today's fast pace and high tech society, too many people are being judged by their surface and skimmed over. People are not being recognized for their true potential and they are forgetting what they can achieve. If they are not the best of the best, they are pushed down and told they will never make it...and after a while that can really wear on you...
So don't let the ways of the world get you down and make you feel small. Don't sell yourself short and think that you don't have enough of 'this or that' to get you where you want to go. Choose to be strong. Choose to work hard everyday. Choose to smile... and choose to be happy. No one can do it for you. 

keep pushing forward.

I'm not sure if I will ever fully overcome my eating disorder. The progress I have made is unmeasurable, and I feel like the pieces of my life have found their way back together, but I still go through those brief moments where I hate the way my body looks... I mean what girl doesn't really? ... I dance everyday and have to look at my body in tight dance clothes,in the mirror, for hours. Our minds can become so skewed in the way our bodies really look and as women, we are quick to compare our bodies to others. Some things that help me stay in the right mind set are: 

1. Don't use a scale. 
I used to weigh myself 2 or 3 times a day and the numbers would haunt me. That is the thing..... they are just numbers. I think they are a good base to go off of, but don't think you have to weigh a certain amount just because society tells you you have to. I go more off of the way my body feels then the scale. If you are going to weigh yourself, try to cut down the number of times you do it to once a week. 

2. Be in tune with your body.
It is crazy how interconnected everything is when it comes to the human body. When you eat a lot of junk, you feel it. You aren't as happy, you have less energy, and you just feel gross. When you eat healthy, you feel good! ...it's as simple as that. Instead of using a scale I just try to really stay in tune with how my body is feeling and what it needs. I try to give my body the nutrition it needs, as well as the physical activity, but not over do it. I am all about the fruits and veggies, but sometimes a cookie is just what you need:) I wouldn't touch sweets for the longest time during my eating disorder, but what I didn't know is that there can be a happy medium. I'm not telling you to binge out on dessert, but don't be afraid to eat it a little bit in moderation. If your body is getting the proper physical activity and nutrition, a cookie won't ruin that:) 

3. Don't forget to tell yourself how BEAUTIFUL you are. 
A lot of times we forget how beautiful our bodies really are. We were carved and created by a perfect Heavenly Father that made each and every limb special. He pieced us together in such a particular and beautiful way, and sometimes all we see are the things that we don't like. I want you to cherish your body a little more. Look at the amazing things you are able to do with it! I know it is cheesy and sometimes difficult, but make a list of things you love about your body. When all I see are the things I want to change, I don't realize how blessed I am to be able to run, jump, dance, and do the things I love with the body I have been given. Embrace everything about your body, from your head to your toes, and never forget the unique beauty that you have inside and out. 

one of those days...

We all have them. Those days where everything seems to be going wrong and we are feeling down. Those days when we have been trying to improve and be better, and all of our progress seems to crumble in front of us. 

If you are trying to overcome something as overpowering as an eating disorder, this can happen A LOT. 

Sometimes you just want to throw in the towel and disappear from the world for a while. Sometimes you think it is not worth it and all you can really do is cry.... & that's okay.

we all have one of those days... no matter our situation. 

...it's normal. 

I probably have these days more than I should. There is not always an explanation, and when that's the case, I seem to get even MORE annoyed with myself and everything around me. What is the cure? I am still working on that, but here are a few things I try that seem to help. 

1. Accept it. 

So many times I feel like I try to fight the negative way I am feeling and force myself to fake a smile and be happy. I have found that when I do this, it just makes it worse. I am not telling you to allow yourself to be mad or annoyed all of the time, but you should accept your emotion, and then move on from it. Sometimes it just feels good to cry or yell like a crazy person! And that's okay! As long as your freak out isn't negatively affecting someone else---let it out. I really like to write out all of my feelings and say whatever I want. I usually end up deleting it later, but it makes me feel a lot better... especially if my emotions at the time, and why I have them, can't be explained. I like to write. Cry. Vent (when appropriate). So don't try and fake it as much....Let it out and then move forward. 

2. Make a list 

Make a gratitude list. Once you start counting your blessings, you realize how truly lucky you are and those negative vibes seem to disappear a little. 

3. Work it out

I know that this is a blog about overcoming an eating disorder, but sometimes getting out of the house and sweating it out is all you need. 

Go on a walk, ride your bike, go to the gym...whatever gets those endorphins going! "Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands...they just don't"--Elle Woods (Legally Blonde) :) 

4. Social or Solo? 

Everyone is different when it comes to having days like this. Some people like to surround themselves with friends and loved ones, while others like to be by themselves. Which ever one works for you, take some time out of your day to make it happen and help you get out of your rut. Go do something you love and haven't done for a while. 

5. Deep breaths

Last but not least... breath. It sounds cheesy, but it really helps! Take a minute, close your eyes, and take 10 deeeeeep breaths. See if it makes a difference. 

Don't give up!! Remember to keep trying and pushing forward. Remember that trying is all you can do and you will have bad days. It's life.... especially when overcoming something big. You are making SO MUCH PROGRESS from just trying... even if you don't see it. 

baby steps.

Second... it is all about baby steps. If you are going through something as difficult as an eating disorder, be patient with yourself. It may feel like you aren't making any progress and that time is moving at an incredibly slow rate...but a baby step in this type of situation is really a leap & bound. Everyone is different--difficult times might take you a long time to get through, you may take a long time to forgive someone, but the biggest part is is that you try. That is all I ask in this post... 

One of the best helps for me was trying to focus on other people and serving them...trying to get my mind to shift gears away from myself and MY problem. I also tried to surround myself with people a lot. Even though I didn't want to, the people around me were a huge blessing. Try that today. 

Serve & Surround.

Try to have the desire to change..if anything, try for that everyday. 

try to be a little bit better.

try to smile a little more. 

Try.

And don't forget to give yourself credit & mark your progress. 

...you've got this. 

friends.

angels come into our lives each day, and in so many different ways. When I was trying to beat my disorder, the angel that appeared to me at such a vital moment was expansion. Expansion is a dance company directed by Bonnie Story, and the year that I did it is still one of the most memorable and heart warming times of my life. The company that I got to spend each and everyday with were my angels and my best friends. They helped me and inspired me more than they know... 

When we first started the dance year, the company loved to go out to eat after rehearsal. At first, I was just along for the ride and wouldn't order any food, but after several nights of this, and a lot of deeeeeep breaths, I gave it a go. I was eating out!! And I was OKAY with it! Sure I would order smaller portions, and the healthiest item I could find on the menu, but I was eating:) 
..I slowly started to eat a little more and build muscle from dancing. I was gaining weight and noticing it..especially being in front of a mirror everyday...but something was different. something felt different. Being with these incredible artists, and being told everyday by my director that I was a beautiful dancer and person, I was feeling so good about myself... and by some miracle I was feeling okay about gaining weight. My dancing was starting to look better and all of my passion and energy could be generated towards this beautiful art form. My mind wasn't completely consumed on food and losing weight anymore... I had a busy school and dance schedule, and friends constantly around me to help keep me distracted. I'm not exactly sure how, or when, but through some miracle--- I was overcoming my eating disorder. My mind was changing and starting to see all of the simple and beautiful things around me. I was focusing more on other people than myself and everything just seemed to look different.. look a little brighter. Family members and friends were commenting on how I had a different "light" about me. 

After a year of Expansion I had gained fifteen pounds and had found a piece of Sadie Rae again. I found myself through the art form that gave me everything and the angels that God sent me. I had my ups and downs through out the year, and definitely some break downs... but God gave me a miracle. truly. He had heard all of my prayers and helped me overcome such a toxic time in my life. I will forever be grateful for Bonnie Story and my Expansion friends that pulled me out from the deep end. 

... thinking about this whole experience makes me cry. It is so hard to revisit such memories and think of who I used to be... but I can honestly say I'm glad I went through it. Going through an eating disorder taught me so much and I hope that I can be a light for others going through something similar. I still have times where I complain about my body and have a hard time looking in the mirror, but overall I have come to love the skin i'm in. I still work out, whether its dancing or running at the gym, I try to eat healthy, but I eat out and enjoy a cookie sometimes too;) (or two). I still pray about it a lot too. To never go back to that place. I know that others have suffered much longer than I have, and at more critical levels...I am no miracle story.. but I have learned so much through my moment of struggle and I want to hopefully share some inspiration to whoever may need it. 

First things first.... you ARE stronger than you know. 

my come back.

I didn't wake up one morning and magically everything was back to normal...my small miracle didn't happen in one day...although I hoped it would happen that way. It was a sequence of baby steps, incredible people, and like I mentioned before, a whole lot of prayers. 

After about a year of hitting the pavement, swimming, and biking, I decided to start dancing and auditioning again. I began dance training and competing at a young age and soon the dance studio became my home. This art form shaped me as a person and made me feel more alive than anything else. It wasn't until I was at an audition and saw the way my frail, skinny body effected my dancing, that I became completely crushed. In that moment I realized the seriousness of my disorder and how it had truly ruined every last thing in my life. A small something sparked in me that day. Im not sure what it was, but I knew I couldn't let this addiction take away the one thing that made sense to me.

I kept auditioning for things and trying to get back in the game, but I wasn't booking anything. I remember feeling so defeated, until finally a company took a chance on me. I auditioned for Expansion, directed by the beautiful Bonnie Story, and little did I know...it would be my miracle. 

In too deep.

People's comments about my body weight soon turned from compliments to concern. At first I thought everyone was being over the top, but after months of only being able to think about food and working out, I knew that my new hobby had become something much more. My whole world had changed. Everything I thought about or cared about had changed, and I knew that my usual happy "spirit" was gone... but I couldn't stop. My brain was wired and I never saw my body as others did. I gained so much pleasure from seeing that number on the scale drop, and I HAD to keep losing weight. I became my worst nightmare and completely consumed. Consumed with the calories that were inside me and wanting to get them out. I ate the same simple, and very small diet everyday, and going a day without the gym would eat at me. Gaining one pound would eat at me. I tried purging a couple of times, but never was successful (a huge blessing). I was ruining not only myself, but all of the beauty around me---my friends, my family, my religion--none of those mattered anymore. 

I specifically remember coming home some nights, laying on my apartment floor, and crying so hard because I wanted it to all go away... but it didn't...and it wouldn't for a long time. No matter how hard my loved ones tried to help me with my disorder, I knew that it would take a miracle to overcome. So I did the only thing I could think of that could possibly help... I started to pray. I prayed to God so hard everyday that he would help me overcome this addiction. I cried and prayed, and cried and prayed for what felt like forever. At times I grew tired and felt like no one was listening on the other end. I gave up on myself and on my God ..I became angry..and there were moments where I never felt more alone. But through my tears and my struggle, someone was definitely listening, and slowly...very slowly..a small miracle made its way into my life. 

How It All Started

It is hard to pinpoint when and where my eating disorder started. It was the summer before my 2nd year of college, and I was living in St. George with some friends. The semester before, I had taken a health class and had fallen in love with the nutrition portion of the course. My sister had just recently become a health guru, and I lived with a roommate who was into eating super healthy as well. I had never been interested in working out or eating healthy before, but once I left high school and my daily, vigorous, dance schedule, I knew I wanted to lose a little bit of weight. I tried not eating, eating very little, but I hadn't learned enough about the combination of working out and eating healthy. I wanted to lose weight the right way, so I purchased a gym pass and started making a food plan. After sticking to my goal, I started to see results. I was losing weight and people were noticing. Everyone was telling me how good I looked and I was loving it! This pushed me to keep working hard. My sister and I made the goal to run a half marathon and I began training. I was either running, biking, or swimming everyday, and I was eating mainly fruits and vegetables. The weight was coming off and I was so happy with the way my body was feeling. I soon cut out all sweets, and if I indulged one night with a cookie or a milk shake, the next morning I was running or swimming double the distance. I had caught the "health bug", and I was addicted. Once I completed my first half marathon at the end of the Summer and had moved back to Provo to start Fall semester, I continued to train for more races and found myself at the gym everyday. I was no longer dancing and I didn't have very many friends, so healthy food and the gym became my friend... which would soon turn into my worst enemy. The weight kept sloughing off, my menstrual cycle had stopped, and my face broke out into horrible acne. I never wanted to go out to eat with peers, in fear of overeating, and my mind became completely consumed. It didn't matter what I ate--vegetables, or a burger and fries--if I ate what I thought was "too much", I would have a nervous breakdown full of tears and get to the gym as fast as possible. I soon started to hate myself, but I couldn't stop. My weight was low, my thighs didn't touch, and I thought my body looked the best it ever had. I didn't know it at the time that I had most definitely developed a type of Bulimia Nervosa (the non-purging type). 

My Story.

Like many other situations, I don't think one can come to understand what an eating disorder is like until they personally go through it themselves. It is an unexplainable addiction that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I was 20 years old when I looked in the mirror and finally saw the truth. I had a form of bulimia and at 5'6", I weighed in at 100 pounds. I had become my worst nightmare, and I couldn't stop. I was addicted to working out, and everything I ate, healthy or not, I wanted to sweat out by running another mile or 2. I disappeared from the world and my friends because almost all my socializing revolved around food. I became too anxious and overwhelmed because I never wanted to eat what was offered. There were several moments where I would eat something that I thought was "bad" for me and I would cry for hours. I stopped having my monthly period, my hair became dry and brittle, and my skin broke out into severe acne...my mind was possessed with nothing else but food and being skinny. People were no longer important and I had lost my happy spirit. Does this sound like YOU in any way, or do you know someone going through a similar situation? This blog is the start of something new that will tell my story and hopefully inspire others and give them courage--no matter what sort of obstacle they are going through. I overcame this huge obstacle in my life, and so can you. This blog will be full of tips, motivational stories, quotes, fitness, food.. just about everything. Im grateful for the opportunity to take you through my story